


Bad Kind of Butterflies

by Hellokaelyn



Category: NCIS
Genre: 15x11, 16x02, 16x10, F/M, Songfic, small episode tags to
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:35:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21764632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellokaelyn/pseuds/Hellokaelyn
Summary: It's time she finally confesses.
Relationships: Ellie Bishop/Nick Torres
Comments: 4
Kudos: 51





	Bad Kind of Butterflies

**Author's Note:**

> Camila Cabello - Bad Kind of Butterflies
> 
> AU where Qasim doesn't die

_**come here and sit next to me** _   
_**don't look at me while I'm breaking** _   
_**after what I'm gonna say** _   
_**I understand if you hate me** _

Ellie sat on the edge of the bed feeling as if she was on the verge of drowning in the bad feeling rising within her. 

She didn't say anything at first when Qasim came to sit beside her on the bed, only making the bad butterflies rise from her stomach to her chest.

Finally she spoke after taking a breath. "I need to tell you something..and after what I'm going to say, I understand if you hate me."

Ellie didn't look at him but could feel his eyes on her. She wished he wouldn't, she could feel herself wanting to break. 

_**what do I do when I love you and want somebody else?** _   
_**what do I lose if I don't choose and keep it to myself?** _

Hurting Qasim was the last thing she wanted to do..but what was she supposed to do when she loved him but at the same time wanted _him_. 

Ellie considered keeping it to herself for the longest time. 

What would she lose if she didn't choose between them and kept it to herself? If she didn't choose, she wouldn't hurt Qasim..but she'd hurt _him_. But she also knew it would hurt her too, knowing she would continue to lie and not be with the person who was stuck in her head. 

Eventually it'd all possibly blow up in her face, and all the hurt would fester and grow. 

She had to confess. It wasn't fair to her, to Qasim, to him if she kept it to herself.

Those bad kind of butterflies fluttered in her chest as an ugly reminder. 

_**I got bad, bad, bad kinda butterflies** _   
_**like when you got something to hide** _   
_**lies, I'm telling you that I'm alright** _   
_**tonight, tonight** _   
_**bad, bad butterflies in my chest** _   
_**there's something I gotta confess, yes** _   
_**somebody's stuck in my head** _   
_**and I, and I** _

_Ellie smiled at the text appearing on her screen, immediately her fingers raced across it as she answered._

_But as the bathroom door opened, she quickly locked her phone and placed it on the nightstand before Qasim fully stepped out._

_Her body was tense as he settled into bed beside her, giving her a smile before leaning in to kiss her gently._

_"You alright?" Qasim asked her._

_Ellie forced her lips to turn up into a smile. "Yeah, I'm alright." Lies, her head yelled at her._

_Bad butterflies rose up in her chest just like they had been doing lately. That feeling when you have something to hide._

_Her phone vibrated and lit up beside her. She glanced over to see 'Nick' on the screen._

_"You going to answer that?" He asked._

_She shook her head. "Uh no, no. Let's just go to bed."_

_They fluttered hard in her chest. As soon as the room went dark, she squeezed her eyes shut and rolled over so her back was to him. She rubbed the palm of her hand over her chest._

_Eventually she'd have to confess and she knew it. Things couldn't go on like this forever. Soon she'd have to tell Qasim that somebody was stuck in her head._

_**I know I said we were friends** _   
_**and when I said that I meant it** _   
_**somewhere between now and then** _   
_**it became more than just a friendship** _

_They sat on the couch together, her head resting on his shoulder hoping her head would magically stop pounding._

_"Ellie? Can I ask you a probably..weird question?" Qasim asked, breaking the silence._

_"Sure?" Ellie lifted herself up, her arm resting on the back of the couch. "What's wrong?"_

_"Are you and Nick..just friends?" Qasim asked carefully. Ellie gaped at him. "I just mean- you two seemed pretty close today and-"_

_"Qasim!" Ellie said a little loudly, her migraine forgotten. "Of course we are! Two of our teammates have gone missing going through god knows what, of course we seemed close today!"_

_She jumped up from the couch, hearing him scramble up and follow her to the bedroom._

_"I'm sorry Ellie! I know it was hard for you today-"_

_"You don't actually." She quickly said. "I love you Qasim and all your support but when it comes down to it..you really don't understand. We may be co-workers and teammates but there's a deeper meaning to it and unless you've been a part of a team like we are..you can't fully understand."_

_He sighed and nodded. "And Nick does."_

_"Yes." Ellie said softly._

_"So you're really just friends? No feelings at all?"_

_"We're just friends."_

_And at that time she had meant it. But somewhere between then and now..things had changed._

* * *

  
_"See you tomorrow..Luis."_

_Ellie gave a little smile before stepping into the elevator. Right before, she caught a glimpse of his face, one that looked like a cross between realization and admiration._

_She let out a breath._

_Now she had to go home..home to Qasim. For a second she debated telling him about the kiss, after all it meant nothing and was just to secure their undercover identities, right?_

_But something held her back._

_Nick's face flashed before her. His shocked face after the kiss, the smile he gave her as they joked at her desk that may or may not have been flirting, and the look on his face when he thought she couldn't see._

_Ellie lifted her fingers to her lips gently. She closed her eyes and remembered the feeling of his lips against hers even if only for a few seconds. Tingles had shot through her, something like an electric feeling shot through her veins making her feel more alive then she had ever felt the last few months, and it fueled her undercover adrenaline._

* * *

_"Come on, let's go inside." Ellie gestured and stood, holding out her hand._

_Nick looked up at her, that lost drunken look still on his face. "I don't wanna-" He let out a breath. "-make trouble for you and Qasim."_

_"He's not here, he was asked to attend a conference."_

_Slowly he nodded, grabbing onto the railing to help lift himself up. Ellie smiled softly as she grabbed onto him and helped him up._

_"You alright?" Ellie asked with a smile chuckle._

_"Yeah." Nick grumbled out slightly, his arm around her shoulders and hers around his waist as they began to walk the short distance to the door._

_"Let's get you some coffee."_

_Once in her apartment and settled on the couch with coffee, Nick turned his head resting on the back towards her. "Thanks..for uh- listening, and for not getting mad at how much of an idiot I was."_

_Ellie smiled softly, grabbing his free hand and giving it a squeeze. "Anytime Nick. I know the others can relate but..Gibbs and McGee? They weren't as close to Clay as we were. I'll always be here to listen."_

_He smiled back at her, letting his head drop from the back of the couch to her shoulder. Ellie ignored the small flutter in her stomach. Must be the late night coffee._

* * *

_Things had changed as they walked down the sidewalk in the cold after telling Gibbs and Jack they wanted to walk and clear their heads, she could feel it deep within her._

_For a while, Nick had been unintentionally digging himself in, and now..Ellie realized how stuck in her head he was, especially after taking care of the baby. She saw a whole other side of him._

_Him freaking out over Jimmy possibly hurting the baby, Nick gently holding the baby as he fed him and rocked him to sleep, whispering lullabies in spanish, and when they went to the store and bought the wrong size diapers the way he had been eyeing every person who came too close as if he was protecting his own baby._

_It made Ellie wonder and think..something she never did with neither Jake or Qasim._

_"That was..something else." Nick muttered, their arms and hands brushing together as they walked._

_She nodded, biting her lip a little. "Is it..is it weird that I'm a little sad?"_

_Nick's eyes snapped to hers. He shook his head. "No..no it's not." His unsaid 'me too' hanging in the air._

_They continued walking in silence, but moments after the comfortable silence started, Ellie couldn't tell who initiated it, their hands brushed once more and one of them used the opportunity to thread their fingers together._

_It was just a form of comfort, right?_

_Ellie knew her heart shouldn't be racing like it was, but she still didn't let go._

_**come here and sit next to me** _   
_**you tell me "baby, just say it"** _   
_**warning me it's a mistake** _   
_**I just know I gotta make it** _

Her heart raced in anticipation and nerves. 

Qasim shifted, obviously uncomfortable with her silence and taking so long to tell him what was going on.

"Baby, just say it."

Ellie's body tensed up. Four words, that's all it was, but it was enough to send off a warning within her, warning her that it's a mistake. He had only called her 'baby' one other time.

But it was a mistake she had to make. For all of them. Maybe this would all blow up, make her regret the choice, but she couldn't deal with these bad butterflies any longer. 

"Qasim I-"

"It's Nick, isn't it?" 

Her eyes snapped to his, looking at him for the first time since he sat next to her. Hurt was evident in his eyes and it made her heart ache. She didn't want to hurt him, really she didn't. 

"Wha- what?"

"It's always been him." Qasim whispered. "You weren't the only one living in denial, Ellie."

She closed her eyes, a tear escaping as she ducked her head from view. 

Those bad butterflies simmered just slightly in her chest.

_**I got bad, bad, bad kinda butterflies** _   
_**like when you got something to hide** _   
_**lies, telling you that I'm alright** _   
_**tonight, tonight** _   
_**bad, bad butterflies in my chest** _   
_**there's something I gotta confess, yes** _   
_**somebody's stuck in my head** _   
_**and I, and I** _

A week later, a week she took off work and refused to answer phone calls or texts after everyone found out about her and Qasim ending things, Ellie softly knocked on the door in front of her which opened only seconds after her knock.

Nick stared at her in surprise "Ellie wha-" 

She cut him off. Her hands gripped his shirt in her fists, her lips on his. A surprised noise came from his throat, but his arms circled around her waist pulling her into his apartment. He kicked the door shut behind her, then gently pressed her against it. 

Those bad butterflies that had been lingering in her chest disappeared like smoke. 

If this was a mistake, it would be the best damn one she ever made. 


End file.
